Sometimes Needs to Stop

As I have begun my junior year of college, I have come to many conclusions in a very short span of time thus far.

Sometimes you are going to want to overbook yourself with everything, from academic affairs to extracurricular obligations to personal relationships.

Sometimes you are going to find yourself in the midst of a frantic meltdown, only a few weeks into the school year, and it seems like literally everyone is staring you down, wondering what the big problem is.  Wondering why you can't handle upper-level classes, multiple meetings, and a social life.

You look around you and see people who can micromanage their lives more efficiently than you.
You find yourself investing in an hour-by-hour planner.
You take to heart the scrutiny that your leaders, teachers, and friends put you under.

At some point you have to take a step back and see if all that you're doing is actually achieving what you set out to achieve.  Are you getting out of college what you expected? We get so caught up in trying to put forth the best representation of ourselves because we are constantly told to be on our 'A game'...or else.

Or else what? Or else someone else will get their name in the local paper?
Or else we won't immediately make it to our dream job?
Or else we will be beat out by the person who did "better" than us?
Or else someone else might get more recognition than we do?
Or else we won't graduate with honors?
Or else......we won't graduate at all?

When did it become acceptable to make yourself feel better by putting others down? More importantly, when did that become the only route to success?

Sometimes life hits you hard and you find out who your friends are.
Sometimes you want to give up on it all.
Sometimes you decide to make a pact for yourself to only do things that bring glory to God, not you.

It's veraciously pointless to feed your own ego by knocking everyone around you down, so I'm done.

I've decided that I'm not going to try to be better than anyone else.

I'm just me.

Home Alone: Atlanta

I think it is safe to say that yesterday was one of the most stressful days of my life. If you've seen any of the Home Alone movies, that is basically what happened.

The day started very early..5 a.m. to be precise.  It was the intent of mine, as well as some of my friends, to embark on a trip to Atlanta with a Gardner-Webb University club.  We were going to experience our first Deaf Expo, as well as an Atlanta Braves game, and were really looking forward to immersing ourselves in a new culture.  Oh boy was it new.

We arrived with the group of fellow GWU students to hop aboard GWU transportation that we reserved.  As departure encroaches upon us...guess who wasn't accounted a van seat! This girl & her friends. Basically all we were given was an "oh well". If my calculations were correct, there were around 25 people present at departure. There were maybe 22 seats on the vans. 4 of us had to drive seperately. I mean math is not my forte but something did not add up..

We were so thankful when one of us stepped in to drive us all the way to Atlanta and back when he had to work basically the entirety of the next day. Okay.  So.  In a way, that roadblock had been dealt with. We made it to Atlanta, began to spot fellow GWU students, and repeatedly asked for help. Due to the language barrier aspect of the trip, I was clueless.  All 4 of us were. Completely. Clueless. We were stuck in Atlanta, Georgia with no where to go and no clue when to go even if we did know where.  On the flipside, we did meet some pretty cool Deaf people from different states. 

After the Deaf Expo was over, we were finally clued in as to an inkling of what was going on.  Well, at least we thought we were. We still had no clue what to do.  Myself and my friends were stuck with nowhere to go for a good bit of time, so we took the AirTrain from the convention center to Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, where our MARTA station is in order to purchase our MARTA passes. FYI- MARTA is not a person. It is a train/bus system that services metro Atlanta. Geez.  

We purchase our MARTA passes, thinking that the trip was still following the itenerary.  It's a good thing we went back to find "our group", or whatever you want to call it at this point. After flagging them down, turns out, everyone else didn't have to ride MARTA, even though the itenerary stated we all would. That's the only reason we bought MARTA passes. Everyone else rode in the GWU van. We didn't have that luxury; we had two options.  Pick up our car and park it at Turner Field for $30, or use the MARTA passes we already bought. 

After finding this out, we book it to the SkyTrain, which took us to our MARTA station.  We got on the train & after 7 stops, made it to the Braves shuttle.  15 more minutes and we were at what we thought was the light at the end of the tunnel. No pun intended.

We spotted "our group" and received our tickets.  At this point, our main goal was to find our seats and enjoy the game.  This actually was a really great game, and we definitely made some lifetime memories.  The weather was perfect, the Braves beat the Mets, and the fireworks show was beautiful. 

This is where the real fun starts.  It's about 10:30 p.m. in downtown Atlanta on a Saturday night.  We had no choice to take the MARTA back to our car at the convention center, since the day incurred more costs than originally intended and we couldn't really afford to park again.  So we board our exhuasted selves on the Braves shuttle back to the train station.  Once we reach the station, we swipe our passes in and board the Southbound train back to the airport.  If you know anything about Atlanta, riding southbound at nearly midnight is a terrible idea.  In fact, it wasn't even our idea, but we had no choice. 

So we boarded the train and after the first stop south, a particular man on a mission of sorts boards the train.  He appears to be very old and very drunk.  So drunk, in fact, he begins to cause a scene or 20 to get attention.  Myself and several of my friends made the mistake of looking his way, which was his cue to start talking at us and threatening us.  I didn't want trouble, but he sure did.  There were several moments when I honestly thought something dangerous would happen to us and "our group" was on its merry way back to GWU, safe in their van.  They didn't know where we were, and I had the slightest idea that they did not care. If something had happened to us, they wouldn't even know. 

I was able to breathe a bit easier with each stop that our train made.  However, our old passenger was along the ride until the stop right before ours. We made 6 stops with him on board, and I was never so happy to stop at College Park until that night.  I had never been so scared, and felt so threatened until we took that train.  We made our final stop, took the Skytrain back to the convention center, got in the car, and made the 3+ hour drive back to GWU. 

I don't write this with the intention of breaking the record for world's longest rant, or to bash any particular party involved.  I write this as a cautionary tale.  For all my friends in college who think they can trust their officers, advisors, professors, fellow classmates, etc...that's what I thought yesterday morning when I arrived at 6:15 a.m. to claim my seat on a van I paid for.  That's what I thought when I bought my MARTA pass. 

I trusted those people to make sure I got transported to events I paid for. I trusted those people to make sure my life wasn't in danger.  I trusted people who most likely didn't even know my name.

There are very few people you can trust.  That day, there were a total of 3 people I knew I could trust, and they were right there with me.  If something had happened to me on that train last night, those 3 people were the only ones who would have known.  We kept each other sane and safe, and even had a few good laughs. College is a learning curve, and yesterday, I learned a lot. I learned how to sign with Deaf people in an emergency situation.  I learned how to fend for myself in the middle of an international airport.  I learned how to stay safe on the train late at night.

I wouldn't even refer to what I did on Saturday as a group trip.  It was the first and last  trip I will take with this club. As far as I'm concerned, I took a day trip with 3 friends. 

And So It Begins!

I guess I can officially welcome myself to the blogging world, as most college students do at some point or another! It will definitely be interesting to see how far I get into this new journey! I am excited to start writing...well, I guess, between the altar and the door. **Pst-Casting Crowns, please let me borrow this domain!** ;)

Anyway, I chose "Between the Altar & the Door" as my title for many reasons. One being that I feel like it's the perfect analogy for how a lot of people feel in their walk with God, at one point or another. There always seems to be something negatively pulling you away from God, or from the altar.  Just picture a common church sanctuary. You walk through the door, down the aisle, and you're at the altar. The more we tug away from the altar, the further we walk back up the aisle, and the closer we are to the door. Unless you have a solid foundation in Christ, you're going to find yourself being tugged back at the door.

**Before we go any further, I just wanted to throw out a disclaimer: I am NOT perfect. I'm not preaching at you. I'm right there with you.  That's why the name of my blog is "Between the Altar & the Door"..that might as well be my permanent location on Facebook. :) I do silly things and make mistakes but I'm going to use this blog as a reflection. Take it at face value. :)

I find this image so interesting because it is so simple and relevant.  God wants us right there at the altar, for more than to just say "I do" and deliver Sunday's opening prayer.  God wants us at the altar, on our knees.  God wants us at the altar, worshiping, praying, meeting new believers, sharing testimonies, and so much more.  The further we get from His altar, the less we get to participate in all these beautiful things that God has set aside for us.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should stake out at the altar or church and confine ourselves there. That's a whole other story for another day! 

My point is that our goal should be so grounded in the symbolism of the altar, of the sanctity of Christ, that the door is not a threat.  We should be ready for whatever questions and doubts we might have towards God.  I don't want to go on a Casting Crowns binge, but...we were made to be courageous...har har har...No? Nobody? Okay...Anyway, I want to see myself table the things that keep me so distracted and busy, such as schoolwork (Psh, I wish) and social media.  I want to go back to the innocent Altar and ground myself there! And not so that I will never leave the church, because that is just as poisonous.  But if I have to choose between the Altar and the Door, I'd rather have the altar.  -Psalm 40:2-