What You See Is What You Get

In a world of increasingly prominent bios, status updates, selfies and emojis, the world around us has become glued to your shadow box. Everything important goes in your shadow box, up on a wall to display for everyone who comes around. 

Like any good crafty person, you go to Hobby Lobby and select the best, most beautiful scrapbook paper to be your background. No one will want to be friends with someone who uses an ugly, boring background, right? 

Once you choose the snazziest, most intriguing background paper, you look for adornments to go in your box. Your favorite color is blue, but you don't want people to get the wrong idea so you keep with the pink theme, despite the fact that pink makes you look like a pig in a blanket. Gotta keep up appearances. 

Next, you go to Walmart so you can print out some awesome pictures for the shadow box. There are some great memories that you'd like to put in it, but they weren't cool...just memories of family vacations and sleepovers. So, you resort to the few pictures of a not so great vacation touring the Caribbean like the well to do person you are trying to be. But hey, the pictures look awesome and prove that you went on a great vacation. People would for sure think you were so cool!

After printing out the pictures, you go home and assemble the box. After realizing that you don't even have momentos or ticket stubs or anything to go with the lousy but aesthetically pleasing vacation, you resort to printing out fake cruise tickets to go with said vacation. You didn't want to remember this trip, and you have nothing to remember it by, but hey, you look so cool. 

You're pleased with the bang-up job you've done at setting up the profile of your awesomeness in a wooden box, so now there's only one thing left to do...

wait for the likes to pour in.

You stake out in the hall, waiting for people to walk by and notice how cool you are for sticking to the status quo. You might not like what's in the box, but by gosh you hope the people around you do! You spent a lot of time perfecting angles and forging tickets of awesomeness.

You find yourself swimming in likes, some which come from people whom you may not have expected. You're overwhelmed with comments such as "looks like you had a blast!" and "we need to hang sometime!". Wow, what a little craft supply and imagination will do for your appearance!

Later on, after developing friendships with these people who saw that shadow box and thought you were cool because of it, you start to feel regretful for those pink adornments and that fake cruise ticket. Mainly because you find yourself in a nail salon getting pink mani-pedis with the girls in preparation for your cruise.

The walls start the come down a little when you announce that you want a mint blue nail polish. The people who saw your shadow box are shocked because the thing was practically covered in pink everything. Days before the cruise, you ask those friends if the group could just hit the beach and relax instead. 

Before you know it, the shadow box has collapsed and all that are left are your family vacation pictures and chipped mint blue nail polish. 

This happens to everyone. Every day.
(don't deny it!)

Only instead of a shadow box, it is a Facebook profile, Twitter feed or Instagram account. We tend to post things that are aesthetically pleasing, in pursuit of likes and <3s. We gravitate towards the people who give them to us. 

Not only that, but we have become a society that thrives off of these meaningless compliments. So much that we focus on perfecting the ideal image in order to obtain them. No one posts about a subpar vacation, nor does someone ever post a video of themselves butchering a song cover. We only want to show the good parts.  

Now, I've never assembled a shadow box or been on a cruise, but I can say that we all have experienced this social media friendship. Friends who seem compatible until you reach the surface. Very few friends make it past to the surface. But when you find the ones who do, keep them close, because those are the ones worth keeping! Even if they don't like your stupid picture or <3 your witty status!

"You're At Home"

My sophomore year of college at Gardner-Webb, I was coming back from Easter break to my old, decrepit dorm room on a Sunday afternoon. The security system had gone haywire, so I couldn't get access into the building. Therefore, I had to go to University Police to gain access. On our way back to my dorm, the Chief of UP was asking where I live. I told him, and he said "Oh, well you're at home then." Home.

Over one year later, I am still stewing on that phrase. Chief was implying that I did not live too far away, and that Gardner-Webb was my secondary home. But, man, how can you define home? Home is not four walls and a wifi password. Home is not a luxury apartment with a view. Home is where your friends and family are. It's where your heart lies. Home.

During that year of stewing at Gardner-Webb, I learned a few things along the way. First and foremost, let me please just throw this out there: college is not this magical experience full of never ending excitement and friendship. Actually, I learned quite the contrary. Home.

At this "home" of mine, during my junior year, the most important lesson I learned was to quit crossing oceans for people who wouldn't jump puddles for me. I know you are supposed to love people, but there is a difference between loving someone and having respect for yourself. You deserve to give and be given back to in return. You deserve respect and answers and true friendship and love and adventure and unrelenting grace. You deserve to demand all of that. Home.

There was a moment during my junior year of college where I pretty much lost grip of who I was. I let these external influences affect me in ways that are absolutely inexcusable. I lost incredible friends and indescribable experiences. All in the name of being...cool? For like 2.3 seconds? Looking back, I can't even begin to wrap my head around why I thought it was cool to mock, degrade and insult others. I found my circle grow smaller and smaller; all the while, still thinking about this "home" thing, I began to wonder. Is this really a home? Am I at home here, as myself? Home.

If anything, I was homesick. Literally, so much that I began to commute back and forth every week. Back and forth, again and again, to that "home" Chief talked about. There were more than 4 walls and there was definitely a wifi password. I did not consider Gardner-Webb anything like home from then on out. Being there was not a pleasant experience at all. I dreaded going back every Sunday night. But all of this dread had me still thinking about "home". Home.

I reached a point a few weeks later, after weeding out all of the negativity and drama, to see a light. I saw something that few people can say they have. I found that, in the process of "losing" so many fake friends and influences, I had found those few who stuck by my side. Two friends might sound pathetic to some, but I am and will be forever grateful for those two people. I learned friends will come and go, and that is okay. But those who stay see more value than what can be seen with the eye.
Because you don't need those influences that don't see your full worth.
You don't need to be dragged into something that takes away from your natural awesomeness.
You don't need "friends" who flip a coin every day to decide if they will like you.

I'm coming home.

I am very proud to say that at the age of twenty-one, I quit caring what people said or thought or did. I gave up on caving in. I stopped sacrificing who I was to get a rise out of others. Now, I will be the first to say that it truly stinks when you begin to take a stand against everything you ever stood on. You will often find yourself alone, but hear me out. From experience, it is so much better to be alone than to be in the presence of negativity. Might not seem that way, but it is. I'm Olivia. I like to make other people happy. I listen to country music. And I learned that I'm going nowhere but up. Home.

Don't compromise yourself for a popularity contest. People don't care how cool you might seem, trust me. They are more concerned with themselves. Don't let anyone dull your sparkle. Be you. Stand for what you believe is right.

I'm finally home.

Sometimes Needs to Stop

As I have begun my junior year of college, I have come to many conclusions in a very short span of time thus far.

Sometimes you are going to want to overbook yourself with everything, from academic affairs to extracurricular obligations to personal relationships.

Sometimes you are going to find yourself in the midst of a frantic meltdown, only a few weeks into the school year, and it seems like literally everyone is staring you down, wondering what the big problem is.  Wondering why you can't handle upper-level classes, multiple meetings, and a social life.

You look around you and see people who can micromanage their lives more efficiently than you.
You find yourself investing in an hour-by-hour planner.
You take to heart the scrutiny that your leaders, teachers, and friends put you under.

At some point you have to take a step back and see if all that you're doing is actually achieving what you set out to achieve.  Are you getting out of college what you expected? We get so caught up in trying to put forth the best representation of ourselves because we are constantly told to be on our 'A game'...or else.

Or else what? Or else someone else will get their name in the local paper?
Or else we won't immediately make it to our dream job?
Or else we will be beat out by the person who did "better" than us?
Or else someone else might get more recognition than we do?
Or else we won't graduate with honors?
Or else......we won't graduate at all?

When did it become acceptable to make yourself feel better by putting others down? More importantly, when did that become the only route to success?

Sometimes life hits you hard and you find out who your friends are.
Sometimes you want to give up on it all.
Sometimes you decide to make a pact for yourself to only do things that bring glory to God, not you.

It's veraciously pointless to feed your own ego by knocking everyone around you down, so I'm done.

I've decided that I'm not going to try to be better than anyone else.

I'm just me.

Home Alone: Atlanta

I think it is safe to say that yesterday was one of the most stressful days of my life. If you've seen any of the Home Alone movies, that is basically what happened.

The day started very early..5 a.m. to be precise.  It was the intent of mine, as well as some of my friends, to embark on a trip to Atlanta with a Gardner-Webb University club.  We were going to experience our first Deaf Expo, as well as an Atlanta Braves game, and were really looking forward to immersing ourselves in a new culture.  Oh boy was it new.

We arrived with the group of fellow GWU students to hop aboard GWU transportation that we reserved.  As departure encroaches upon us...guess who wasn't accounted a van seat! This girl & her friends. Basically all we were given was an "oh well". If my calculations were correct, there were around 25 people present at departure. There were maybe 22 seats on the vans. 4 of us had to drive seperately. I mean math is not my forte but something did not add up..

We were so thankful when one of us stepped in to drive us all the way to Atlanta and back when he had to work basically the entirety of the next day. Okay.  So.  In a way, that roadblock had been dealt with. We made it to Atlanta, began to spot fellow GWU students, and repeatedly asked for help. Due to the language barrier aspect of the trip, I was clueless.  All 4 of us were. Completely. Clueless. We were stuck in Atlanta, Georgia with no where to go and no clue when to go even if we did know where.  On the flipside, we did meet some pretty cool Deaf people from different states. 

After the Deaf Expo was over, we were finally clued in as to an inkling of what was going on.  Well, at least we thought we were. We still had no clue what to do.  Myself and my friends were stuck with nowhere to go for a good bit of time, so we took the AirTrain from the convention center to Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, where our MARTA station is in order to purchase our MARTA passes. FYI- MARTA is not a person. It is a train/bus system that services metro Atlanta. Geez.  

We purchase our MARTA passes, thinking that the trip was still following the itenerary.  It's a good thing we went back to find "our group", or whatever you want to call it at this point. After flagging them down, turns out, everyone else didn't have to ride MARTA, even though the itenerary stated we all would. That's the only reason we bought MARTA passes. Everyone else rode in the GWU van. We didn't have that luxury; we had two options.  Pick up our car and park it at Turner Field for $30, or use the MARTA passes we already bought. 

After finding this out, we book it to the SkyTrain, which took us to our MARTA station.  We got on the train & after 7 stops, made it to the Braves shuttle.  15 more minutes and we were at what we thought was the light at the end of the tunnel. No pun intended.

We spotted "our group" and received our tickets.  At this point, our main goal was to find our seats and enjoy the game.  This actually was a really great game, and we definitely made some lifetime memories.  The weather was perfect, the Braves beat the Mets, and the fireworks show was beautiful. 

This is where the real fun starts.  It's about 10:30 p.m. in downtown Atlanta on a Saturday night.  We had no choice to take the MARTA back to our car at the convention center, since the day incurred more costs than originally intended and we couldn't really afford to park again.  So we board our exhuasted selves on the Braves shuttle back to the train station.  Once we reach the station, we swipe our passes in and board the Southbound train back to the airport.  If you know anything about Atlanta, riding southbound at nearly midnight is a terrible idea.  In fact, it wasn't even our idea, but we had no choice. 

So we boarded the train and after the first stop south, a particular man on a mission of sorts boards the train.  He appears to be very old and very drunk.  So drunk, in fact, he begins to cause a scene or 20 to get attention.  Myself and several of my friends made the mistake of looking his way, which was his cue to start talking at us and threatening us.  I didn't want trouble, but he sure did.  There were several moments when I honestly thought something dangerous would happen to us and "our group" was on its merry way back to GWU, safe in their van.  They didn't know where we were, and I had the slightest idea that they did not care. If something had happened to us, they wouldn't even know. 

I was able to breathe a bit easier with each stop that our train made.  However, our old passenger was along the ride until the stop right before ours. We made 6 stops with him on board, and I was never so happy to stop at College Park until that night.  I had never been so scared, and felt so threatened until we took that train.  We made our final stop, took the Skytrain back to the convention center, got in the car, and made the 3+ hour drive back to GWU. 

I don't write this with the intention of breaking the record for world's longest rant, or to bash any particular party involved.  I write this as a cautionary tale.  For all my friends in college who think they can trust their officers, advisors, professors, fellow classmates, etc...that's what I thought yesterday morning when I arrived at 6:15 a.m. to claim my seat on a van I paid for.  That's what I thought when I bought my MARTA pass. 

I trusted those people to make sure I got transported to events I paid for. I trusted those people to make sure my life wasn't in danger.  I trusted people who most likely didn't even know my name.

There are very few people you can trust.  That day, there were a total of 3 people I knew I could trust, and they were right there with me.  If something had happened to me on that train last night, those 3 people were the only ones who would have known.  We kept each other sane and safe, and even had a few good laughs. College is a learning curve, and yesterday, I learned a lot. I learned how to sign with Deaf people in an emergency situation.  I learned how to fend for myself in the middle of an international airport.  I learned how to stay safe on the train late at night.

I wouldn't even refer to what I did on Saturday as a group trip.  It was the first and last  trip I will take with this club. As far as I'm concerned, I took a day trip with 3 friends. 

And So It Begins!

I guess I can officially welcome myself to the blogging world, as most college students do at some point or another! It will definitely be interesting to see how far I get into this new journey! I am excited to start writing...well, I guess, between the altar and the door. **Pst-Casting Crowns, please let me borrow this domain!** ;)

Anyway, I chose "Between the Altar & the Door" as my title for many reasons. One being that I feel like it's the perfect analogy for how a lot of people feel in their walk with God, at one point or another. There always seems to be something negatively pulling you away from God, or from the altar.  Just picture a common church sanctuary. You walk through the door, down the aisle, and you're at the altar. The more we tug away from the altar, the further we walk back up the aisle, and the closer we are to the door. Unless you have a solid foundation in Christ, you're going to find yourself being tugged back at the door.

**Before we go any further, I just wanted to throw out a disclaimer: I am NOT perfect. I'm not preaching at you. I'm right there with you.  That's why the name of my blog is "Between the Altar & the Door"..that might as well be my permanent location on Facebook. :) I do silly things and make mistakes but I'm going to use this blog as a reflection. Take it at face value. :)

I find this image so interesting because it is so simple and relevant.  God wants us right there at the altar, for more than to just say "I do" and deliver Sunday's opening prayer.  God wants us at the altar, on our knees.  God wants us at the altar, worshiping, praying, meeting new believers, sharing testimonies, and so much more.  The further we get from His altar, the less we get to participate in all these beautiful things that God has set aside for us.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should stake out at the altar or church and confine ourselves there. That's a whole other story for another day! 

My point is that our goal should be so grounded in the symbolism of the altar, of the sanctity of Christ, that the door is not a threat.  We should be ready for whatever questions and doubts we might have towards God.  I don't want to go on a Casting Crowns binge, but...we were made to be courageous...har har har...No? Nobody? Okay...Anyway, I want to see myself table the things that keep me so distracted and busy, such as schoolwork (Psh, I wish) and social media.  I want to go back to the innocent Altar and ground myself there! And not so that I will never leave the church, because that is just as poisonous.  But if I have to choose between the Altar and the Door, I'd rather have the altar.  -Psalm 40:2-